Dear World,

I’m a lesbian.

There, I said it. Well, typed it. Don’t get me wrong- I didn’t come out JUST then. Pretty much all my friends know, and most of my family. But there’s a lot of people who don’t know.

Particularly my parents. And my grandmother. I mean, it’s pretty obvious I’m gay. What other girl wants to be Superman for Halloween when they’re little? Not any I know, that’s for damn sure.

So I post a lot of pro-gay stuff on Facebook. I also am friends with my parents on Facebook. So I cant be like “oh my girlfriend is the best girl ever” or anything online. Because my parents would see. Not that I mind if they know, because I really with they did. I’m just anxious about what they might do if they found out. Like not let my siblings, who still live with them, see me.

But a few weeks ago, my Mom asked, in front of the ENTIRE FAMILY, if the friend I brought over was my girlfriend.

Talk about heart attack. I swear I stopped breathing for a second.

I didn’t tell her yes, and I didn’t tell her no. I couldn’t speak. I literally could not say a word. I was in shock, no lie. Then she did this awkward hug thing and she said, “I love you, I’ll see you next time you’re in town.” And she said that loudly to where everyone could hear her. But then she said, to where no one else could hear, “I’m your mother and a mother knows. I can tell by the way she looks at you and how you look at her.”

And then I died.

Well, not really. But I felt like it.

I turned around and walked the hell out of that door, got in the truck, lit a cigarette, stopped a few miles down the road to throw my cake over a bridge, headed back toward the interstate, stopped a few miles up, bought some papers, smoked a joint or two in a tunnel, and then proceeded to drive the hour trip home, where I painfully thought about that brief 5 minute exchange between my mother and I.

All while holding my girlfriend’s hand.